Movies & Me

Ever since a friend and I chatted about movies, I find myself contemplating them and what impact they have made on me or my life. I've discovered interesting things about myself, that I will try to share.

I realize that I no longer react as strongly to a movie than I used to. I miss that. I don't know if it's age, the meds I take, my depression, or my moods. Most likely, it's a combination of all these things.

Of course, the quality of films today may also have a significant effect on how I respond. (Although there is the rare gem like Juno or Little Miss Sunshine.)

The biggest change in me is how I react to horror movies. Now, I'm a big fan of good horror movies (ok, ok, I admit it, I like a few BAD horror movies as well!), but I just don't get as scared as I used to. And I really enjoy a good scare from time to time. I honestly cannot remember the last time I was really afraid while watching a movie, but I believe it was all the way back in the early 80s when I saw An American Werewolf In London. That movie scared the beejeebees outta me. (Of course, you may recall that I have admitted in the past as to having an irrational fear of werewolves.)

Now, when I was younger, I got scared even at the obvious (guy with knife waiting just around the corner). I remember my stomach churning, heart racing, labored breathing, etc., everything that your body goes through during that moment of terror.

I'd like to feel that again; just once in a while, but nothing bothers me anymore. And that makes me a little sad. Am I so disconnected from my feelings? Am I demented for actually wanting to feel that fright?

One example I will give: Alaina & I watched "30 Days of Night." I enjoyed this movie immensely, and will recommend it to anyone that asks, but, even though it did strike a faint chord of surprise and fear, I was not terrified. And I think this is a very well made movie; not all gore and slime as so many are now.

A couple of other movies that stand out from years-gone-by: Dawn of the Dead & The Exorcist. I was only 15 when I saw The Exorcist, and already a Baha'i, so I didn't believe in demons, but, man-o-man, that didn't make any difference. That movie scared me to death! And then Dawn of the Dead (1979); although I like zombies movies, they don't normally scare me all that much, but when I saw the original DOTD, I was pregnant, and I had nightmares for weeks of zombies trying to eat my stomach!

The new Dawn of the Dead (2004), I like a LOT better than the original - it is actually one of my all time favorite movies - but it never really scared me. What's wrong with me now?

And, not only do I not get as frightened, I also don't get as emotional as I used to.

Case in point: the movie Sophie's Choice (1982). Alaina was about 1.5 years old when I saw this movie. In the scene where Sophie is forced to choose among her two children as to which will go to a death camp - she had to make a choice or the Nazi said he would take both children - I didn't just cry, I sobbed!

So why don't I feel the thrills (Star Wars), the chills (Jaws), the fears (Aliens), the OMG moments (Jurassic Park) that I used to? Am I really that numb these days? Does it make a difference that I rarely see a movie in the theatre anymore? I remember that my friend and I used to go to just about every movie ever made because we loved movies so much. Now I watch them on TV. Does that detract from the movie's overall appeal?

I remember one of my professors in college telling me the secret to enjoying good theatre is "the suspension of disbelief." I want that ability back, but have I become jaded over the years to the point that I am numb?